Taxes Chainsaw Massacre
canada goose deals I sat in a dimly lit room, sweating, though it was unclear if that was a result of my nerves or the room’s shockingly hot temperature. Special Agent canada goose coats Jarvis Canada Goose Online Ham squinted at me through a thick cloud of cigarette smoke across the long, oak table that separated us. canada goose deals
buy canada goose jacket cheap At least, I think it was oak. I’m not great at identifying types of wood based on looking at it. One of those things I wish I was good at but I just uk canada goose outlet never really dedicated the time to it, you know? That’s the way it goes I guess. I discreetly rubbed my index finger along the side uk canada goose of the table. canada goose black friday sale I don’t know why. buy canada goose jacket cheap
canada goose store «I wonder if you realize,» Special Agent Ham began, «just how much trouble you’re in, son. » He took a long drag from his cigarette and exhaled slowly. «I can’t divulge too many details until my partner gets here, but, boy, if trouble were cheddar, you could open up a cheese shop.» canada goose store
«Uh huh,» I said absently as I lowered my nose to the table, sniffing it as subtly as I Canada Goose Coats On Sale could. Special Agent Ham didn’t seem too concerned with my Canada Goose Jackets table smelling; apparently being a tough, hardened, federal agent stereotype canada goose uk shop was very time consuming.
Special canada goose factory sale Agent Ham was a tall man, tall like a mountain. A Mountain of Ham. His hair was cropped short, as I imagine is the protocol for tough canadian goose jacket looking officer archetypes.
canada goose clearance «Boy,» Special Agent Ham said, «I’ve seen a lot of punks come through this office.» buy canada goose jacket cheap He leaned in menacingly and lowered his voice to a gravelly whisper. «But you, motherfucker, take the cake.» I leaned in and lowered my voice canada goose coats on sale to a delightful chirp. canada goose clearance
Canada Goose sale «What is this, oak? Come on, tell me, is this oak?» Before Special Agent Ham had a chance to answer, his partner, whose name I desperately hope is Special Agent And Eggs, entered the interrogation room, carrying a file and a small, unmarked bag. Canada Goose sale
«Mr. O’Brien,» he said emotionlessly, «I’m Special Agent Connor McCloud. Sorry to keep you waiting. I trust Agent Ham has Canada Goose Parka kept you comfortable?»
Canada Goose Parka «He and I were just chatting,» Agent Ham said. His tone implied that he was using «chatting» euphemistically, which I don’t understand because we literally were just chatting. Agent McCloud smiled and started busying himself with the file he was holding. He had short blond hair parted to one side and he wore inexpensive looking glasses. He dressed like a man who shopped with function, and not style, in mind. I was more than a little disappointed that so cool a name was wasted on so dorky buy canada goose jacket a man. canada goose uk outlet If Canada Goose Parka
canada goose McCloud was clearly the «good cop» in this cheap, hastily conceived relationship. He smiled a lot, asked me how I was doing, that sort of thing. Special Agent Ham called me «son,» a lot, but he mostly looked nothing like my father. He was black, was probably the biggest difference. He reminded me of Denzel Washington in Training Day, or Don Cheadle, or Morris Chestnut. Or Morgan Freeman and Dave Chappelle or Seal or Cedric the Entertainer. canada goose
canada goose coats Wait, is it racist that he makes me think of every black person I’ve ever seen? He does sort of look like Whoopi Goldberg. I tapped the bottom of the table, trying to see if it made a sound that would somehow click in my brain as the sound an oak table would make when knocked. Then I remembered that I didn’t have a database of wood sounds canada goose outlet stored in my mind and therefore would have nothing to compare the sound to. I https://www.canadagoosejacketonlines.ca kept tapping anyway. Got shit else to do. canada goose coats
canada goose black friday sale «Why don’t we get started with the obvious,» Agent McCloud started, obviously. «Do you know why the IRS called you?» canada goose black friday sale
buy canada goose jacket «I have a pretty vague idea,» I said, though I’m sure, with the corner of the table in my mouth, my answer was muffled just slightly. buy canada goose jacket
canadian goose jacket «It’s about your taxes, Mr. O’Brien.» canadian goose jacket
Canada Goose online «Oh,» I said, picking splinters out from between my teeth. «Oh, in that case, no, I have Canada Goose online
cheap Canada Goose no idea why I was called here. I thought it was totally this. other canada goose clearance thing, or whatever. Wow, taxes, no, I hadn’t even considered that.» I didn’t have the slightest clue what problem they might have found with my taxes, but I was relieved to learn canada goose clearance sale that this had nothing to do with the skeleton of Pocahontas that I kept preserved in my pantry. At least that’s safe. For now. cheap Canada Goose
«You’re acting pretty cool for someone sittin’ shoulder deep in shit soup,» Agent Canada Goose Outlet Ham said. I am pretty cool, I thought, as I licked my lips. The table tasted sort of like Popsicle sticks. What kind of wood was that? Pine?
canada goose clearance sale «The way I see it,» Agent Ham continued, «is that you’re going to rot for a long time, no matter how you spin it.» They wouldn’t use pine for Popsicle sticks, right? They’d use something cheap, I’m sure of it. canada goose clearance sale
Canada Goose Jackets (Is pine cheap?) Canada Goose Jackets
«You got anything to say for yourself?»
canada goose coats on sale «Is pine cheap?» Blank stares from both agents. I decided to clarify. «Is pine one canada goose store of the cheaper woods?» Still nothing. «Relative to other woods, where does pine fall on the spectrum of cost? Towards the low end or to the. to the higher end?» Suddenly, Special Agent Ham reached all the way across the (balsawood?) table, grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and lifted me right out of my chair. canada goose coats on sale
fuck is your problem? You think the IRS is all fun and games or something?» I guess I’d never really thought about it that seriously but now that he’s bringing it up, I suppose I figured there were probably a few games. Like, on Fridays, maybe. Every office has fun once in a while. I put on my serious face.
Canada Goose Outlet «No, Sir, but I imagined there were some games and maybe the occasional inter office contest. Is that wrong?» Ham shoved me back down in my chair. Hard. He raised his fist to hit me (also hard, I imagined) when Special Agent McCloud waved him off. Canada Goose Outlet
«Only when it comes to lawbreakers,» Ham added, his eyes staring daggers into mine. With my hands under the table and out of sight, I quietly started picking at the bottom of the table, hoping to get a few wood shavings. Worst case scenario, I could send these off to a lab somewhere and find out what kind of wood it was, even though I don’t technically remember canada goose uk black friday why I even care.
«Well, you know what they say,» I tell Agent Ham, «If lawbreakers were jawbreakers.» I bow my head and bounce my extended palms for a few beats, as if to say.